Hooligan Zoo

Two Zookeepers… many Hooligans… It's always feeding time at this zoo!

The artist

on October 28, 2005
In the past few months I've started
doing some respite work.  Unfortunately, this means that I'm not
always home at night.  Especially around bedtime because I'm busy
getting paid to put other people's kids to bed… 

This week,
Wednesday I believe it was, I went upstairs to get ready for bed, moved
the covers back and tossed my pillow to the top of the bed.  Under
my pillow was this…

daughter said she wanted to make me a surprise and drew me a picture of
the two of us cuddling.  Don't you just love the way she's
sprawled across my lap?  The likeness is uncanny…  I'm even
wearing glasses! 

It is terrible though, while it made me smile, it made
the guilt pile in.  Shouldn't I be home actually doing the
cuddling?  I mean, money be damned, right?  MY kids need
me!  I think that was a little taste of what working moms go
through right there.  I am so blessed that I have this opportunity to
make a little bit of money doing respite.  And, while I'm making
money, at least my kids can be with their daddy.  I don't have to
ship them out and pay a stranger to look after them. 

I'm having a bit of
a hard time with doing the respite.  I adore the kids, they're
very sweet and they love me to bits.  I get along great with their
parents, they pay me promptly and up front…  it's going to be
great on my resume when I decide to go back to work full time… 
and yet…  my heart aches to be home with my own kids. 

Maybe if I had a job that wasn't just like glorified babysitting, I
wouldn't have such mixed feelings over it.  If I was just making
coffee, working in retail, something that doesn't need that nurturing
momma part of me.  I think I feel a bit like I'm taking my momma
bits from my own kids and giving them to these other kids.

Are my kids
suffering at all?  They don't appear to be.  They love having
their daddy all to themselves a few nights a week.  They're always
full of stories in the morning of the towers they built together, and
how Eph had to have a timeout for smacking Keyz…  they really do
adore that.  I don't think they miss me too much at all on those
nights…The problem is that I miss them terribly.

And so the separation
begins.  My kidlets have been virtually my whole life for the past
3+ years.  I think I just thought that I would have a couple more
years before I had to let them go…  This is just a prelude to
Keyzia starting school next year…  then Ephraim
starting…  then highschool, then college…  their whole
lives are flashing by me seemingly before I can even blink.With that,
I'm going to take this time to enjoy and cherish my daughter's
artwork…  the pictures that she makes just for me.

(((She made me this one with extra hugs and kisses to make me feel better when I had a headache)))

I'm going to cherish the kisses I get from my son. 
I'm going to love it when he gives me presents, and shares his cars
with me.

And really, as a mother, there's nothing more I can do but cherish each moment as it comes.  It really does go so fast.


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