Hooligan Zoo

Two Zookeepers… many Hooligans… It's always feeding time at this zoo!

One of those days…

on August 11, 2005

I really use the … a lot, don't I??  Hmmm…  I wonder how Freud would analyze that??

Anyways, yesterday was a pretty good day.  I took the kids over to the Family Resource Centre for playgroup, crashed at a girlfriend's house for some knitting and some lunch while the kids were napping…  it was nice.  The kids played nicely, they were crafty (Ephraim's crafty side is developing quite nicely!)

And then it all fell apart when we got home.  And I had a meltdown when Ja walked in the door.  One of those crying get me the heck out of here, comfort me but don't touch me meltdowns.  It wasn't pretty, I will say that.

It's moments like those, moments where I feel completely unhinged with trying to do fourty zillion things at once that I can feel the depression creeping around the edges of my consciousness.  It's like a fogginess, a cloud, threatening to take over what had been the mostly sunny part of my countenance.

The difference seems to be, or at least the difference yesterday was that we sprang into action.  Ja got it.  He could see that I was unhinging in a major way, and he took over.  After dinner I disappeared upstairs, and he kept the kids entertained downstairs.  I vanished into the bedroom, and I told him I would not be offended if he just didn't talk to me all night. 

I read my book until the kids went to bed, put the kids to bed, finished my book in silence, and then I felt better.  I found the “worth it” moment again.  That quiet time with my husband before sleep.  The telling him about the funny things that the horribles had done that day at playgroup.  How Ephraim is starting to do all the motions for the songs during circle time.  Keyzia's obsessiveness with scissors.  And in the telling, it made me remember why I get out of bed every morning.  How God gives me the strength, moment by moment to do what needs to be done, and how He throws those little blessings in there to make it all worth while.

Last night was a thunderstorm.  Brief and passing.  I hunkered down, and this morning the sun is shining once again.


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